The world IS going crazy

Boss fires staff for not smoking

BERLIN (Reuters) – The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.

“I can’t be bothered with trouble-makers,” Thomas was quoted saying. “We’re on the phone all the time and it’s just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It’s time for revenge. I’m only going to hire smokers from now on.”

Why Americans should not be allowed to travel?

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. “Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response … click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” He said “But they look so close on the map.”

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who’s luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” After putting her on hold for a minute while I “looked into it” (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.”

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.” The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

Groovy Dancing Girl – Daft Punk

Ahmad’s eye-view

You’ve probably heard the spicy stories. Maybe you’ve come to Lahore after a couple of years. Maybe it’s your first time to one of those parties you thought were a myth and probably a friend pulled some strings to get you in. As you stand outside, getting your invitation checked, try not to gawk at the ladies. Pretend you’re so used to seeing cleavage and short skirts; you’re as bothered about her as you would be for a nun. Too long a stare or a visible check-her-out nudge to a friend and her boyfriend just might be feeling cool (or tipsy) enough to prove his lust for her.

Ok, so now you’re on your way in. Beware, ye who enter: You must not judge. Learn to live and let live. Drinks are free. What’s taboo is cheap and easy. If you’re a virgin, you’re in the minority. It’s ok to be gay (they get a lot of bear hugs and lip smacks from their female friends…try not to be tempted) And last but not least: You, like everyone else are the coolest person there so you must have the ‘been-there-done-that/Zoolander magnum’ look at all times. Showing surprise at some innocent kissing or expressions of love is uncool…even if she looks old enough to be his mother. The door opens and the music blasts through. You’re acting nonchalant but don’t overdo it by rolling your eyes. You move around, observing, taking in the feel of the place. Don’t be nervous…most of the people you see weren’t meant to be here. Mostly pseudo wannbe’s, they’ll probably head bang to a Britney Spears song. You don’t know it but this party is at par with great college parties in the West. The drugs, booze, dresses or the floor…its top notch and Western or West inspired.
Yes, idiot, that’s alcohol being swigged not apple juice. And THAT is no ordinary cigarette that group is passing around. You see that couple on the dance floor grinding furiously? They’re casual acquaintances. Her husband is running his hands over someone else two sweaty couples away. All it took was a pill or two. Or maybe nothing. Now you’re walking around and you see some guy come up and pinch a woman’s behind. She turns out, delirious with joy…her smile so wide, her earlobes get lipstick on them. You wonder why she’s so cool about it when most women you know wouldn’t be. Your attention turns to the girl standing next to her. 8 out of 10 you think. Well, during the daytime, minus that by 2 and drop another 1 when she’s not wearing makeup. It’s hard to believe but it’s true that she’s pretty average (no pun intended). Welcome to the pill-popping, cherry busting, raving, knocked up underbelly of the Islamic Republic. Interestingly, you don’t belong here. It’s the zealous pursuit of cool. And this is their rave. You finally sit down. You’re definitely not comfortable. Your thoughts in turmoil, you can’t seem to swallow this whole new society opened up in front of you. The things you heard were true. You wonder what else goes on. You notice a man staring at you. Yep, definitely not what you needed right now. You start thinking that you shouldn’t have shaved that day. He looks away, probably sensing your vibes. Gay men are sensitive after all. Amidst the thumping music and flattering lights, you stare out and wonder.

The contrast to all you’ve seen before is mind-boggling. Making any sort of benchmark of morality is not possible…people have very varying levels of what they consider offensive. Our society is such that there are certain people who will kill a man if he impregnates their sister in an affair, and other people who will get her an abortion and remain best friends. I’ve seen that and I do know that for most people here, it’s a moral depravity. But what is offensive for one person might not be a bother for another. It’s weird that living and being bought up in an Islamic country, the religious point of view will hold no ground here. Religion will condone all and everything happening at parties and after-parties nowadays and there’s really no room for argument. But since religious teaching is a sort of myth to us it’s not possible to make a moral or judgmental benchmark about the secular part of our confused Republic.
I’m not an anthropologist but I do know that to understand most things, especially about society, one must look at the whole context…the facts surrounding a phenomena. So it’s not just about partying. What it’s about is the characteristics associated with the people who’re involved. So, when things such as infidelity, pre-marital sex, one night stands, drugs, unwanted pregnancies, Valium, lack of family values, disregard for social or religious values are the characteristics and the price to pay for fake glamour and ‘fun’, it’s not worth it. Being out of sync with the rest of society, being the wannabe defenders of what? Westernization? They’re just people, sheltered amongst their like-minded lot, bridging the divide between the East and the worst the West has to offer, drinking western drinks and getting high on eastern drugs. These are the guardians of Western liberalization, the mirror extremes of the self-proclaimed guardians of faith, whose idea of defending Islam and blasting the West is torching a KFC outlet.

This country could do without these extremes. They’re negligible minorities. The one extreme is holding up their drinks for fashion magazines, the others not letting the people be. The majority is too busy lying to themselves or each other. What we need to adhere to is something beneficial and worthwhile while maintaining our values. The influx of whatever comes with the party scene is not what this country needs. If we do need to import something from the West, let it not be booze or fashion designs, let it be something worthwhile. We’re the third world, a poor country where a generally despised, rich segment is having a blast with complete disregard for social norms or carpet bombings a few hundred miles away. It’s not like I was fretting about nervously during the Afghan war. But having party invitations at new years and knowing the fun going on makes one wonder how people can be so inhuman when hundreds and thousands are dying a 10 hour drive away. If you didn’t feel right about merrymaking that night, are you a prude or a square? What’s the normal level of being indifferent? I don’t think asking anyone to respect and adhere to the sanctity of values, and norms in a society is asking for too much. There’s a time, place and level for everything. It’s good to be a rebel but not for a cause as lowly as partying.

– Ahmad Tariq, 2005